College Crisis Part I: Running out of time

I apologize in advance if this post may seem like a cathartic rhetorical mess of text. It needs to be in order for me to get my head on straight.

These past few weeks have been the hardest of my college career. Not because of course content and finals (albeit, they did not help my stress level), but because of my pressing need to make a decision for college.

I was accepted to, among other colleges (which have been disregarded at this point due to various reasons), NYU. An excellent, world renowned university that I never thought I would be able to apply to, let alone be accepted to. This alone has shown how much I have grown and changed since I was a senior in high school. I have become much more comfortable with the idea of living, working, and schooling in NYC. In fact, until yesterday at about 10:00 a.m., I was 97% sure that I was going to go there and was just waiting to hear from my last college. Which brings me to my next point…

I was accepted at Amherst College in MA. The number one liberal arts college in the country. Accepted me. As one of eight students for their upcoming Spring 2009 semester. Me. Really? I was shocked and still am because I did not think that I would be accepted. I thought that I would be rejected, hence making my decision to go to NYU absolute.

However, now everything is convoluted and confusing as usual for me. I cannot decide between the two. The locations and  number of students in each college are the two main aspects that differ between the schools. Academically (excluding the potential number of credits that will transfer there), and financially, the colleges are the same.

I am stuck and need help.  I needed to make a decision today. Actually, yesterday (another complicated part of the college dilemma). Advice and opinions are most welcome.

“Often we can help each other most by leaving each other alone; at other times we need the hand-grasp and the word of cheer.” -Elbert Hubbard, American editor, publisher and writer

In crisis mode,

mimi

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Things I am thankful for:

My friends and family around the globe: I am so thankful everyday to have you in my life. Your support and warm wishes over these past few months have helped my soldier on through my time of uncertainty and college drama.  I don’t know what I would do without the encouraging e-mails, bear hugs, and shoulders to cry on. You all are the best and I love (and miss-for those who are not around all of the time) you all!

Having the opportunity to go to college and get an education: As much trouble as these transfer applications have been, I still am thankful for the chance they give me to start a new branch of my life and expand on my mind and talents. I love to learn, read, and meet new people and going to college has helped me accomplish all this and so much more.

My jobs:  As the country enters a rough period, I am thankful that I am able to work and that the people         I work for value my time and efforts.  At the library,  I am always busy because I want to make it the best possible place it can be for all the members of my community.  Hokey, yes, but true. It’s a public building and the public should use it and feel like they belong there.   As for my babysitting kids and their families, I wouldn’t trade them for the world and am going to be heartbroken when I leave them in January to go away to school. They are the best kids ever and I am thankful to have helped them grow up!

Having a warm bed, a car, clothes, food and a place to come home to every night!

Finally, I am thankful for the numerous things that I take for granted every day! Without them, I would be incomplete.
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”            -Albert Schweitzer (German medical missionary, theologian, musician, philosopher and Nobel Peace Prize Winner)
Grateful,
mimi

Anticipation

For the first time
In such a long, long time
I know
I’ll be okay

-From “Brand New Day” by Joshua Radin

I am officially going to a new college in January. What one and the exact date is TBD, but I was accepted to an excellent college on Friday! I am so excited!

Upon opening the letter, I started to cry. My mom, who was in the hallway, said, “Really? Did you not think you were going to get in anywhere? Come on!” In all actuality, though, that is exactly what I had to believe. That I wouldn’t get in anywhere and then have to make alternative plans for next semester. I have learned not to put all my hope into something, not because I am a pessimistic person (at least I would say, most of the time I try to have a positive outlook), but when it comes to my college experience thus far all bets are off.

For instance, I recently discovered that I needed to send in yet another transcript from a college that I have never attended, but still have credit from because I took courses from them during high-school. It’s an involved story and I’ll spare you all the details, however, I have been unable to get a hold of anyone at this college to give me copies of my transcript and now have also discovered that the colleges that I have applied to have lost parts of my application.  All the stress is causing my body to freak out in odd ways that just cause me to stress out more and the cycle begins again.

Needless to say, the next few weeks will be quite interesting as the college decisions roll on in. Can’t wait!

“Such is the state of life, that none are happy but by the anticipation of change: the change itself is nothing; when we have made it, the next wish is to change again. The world is not yet exhausted; let me see something tomorrow which I never saw be.” -Samuel Johnson (English poet, critic, and writer)

In breathless anticipation,

mimi

Connected

I’ll readily admit that I have not been keeping up with my schoolwork for the past week or so. I was concentrating on getting my applications done and put things on the back burner. Now, though, I’m playing catch-up and needing to get it all done ASAP.

This week has been slightly overwhelming, something that I have not experienced in while. I usually am ahead of the game and falling behind stresses me out. However, I think I have it all under control and some fortuitous occurrences mixed in with some bad ones have given me new perspective. For instance:

1. I woke up on Tuesday excited to vote. I’m 19 and this was my first election. My dad, when I voted in the primary, was so proud and told me that voting was something my grandfathers and family had fought for in wars to upheld. Sounds corny, but it hit me hard and made me want it even more. So on Tuesday, I went and voted at our small, 2 machine polling station, in my town to help create my future. It was awesome!

2. I got to see three little cousins, who aren’t so little anymore, for the first time in almost two years. I can count on two hands the number of family members I actually speak to/enjoy seeing and they fall into that category. It’s cute because our families match: three girls and three girls. They are growing into beautiful tweens/teenagers and upon seeing me, they said the same thing, and that I looked like our aunt (which was nice to hear because the ‘family resemblance’ speech never comes up for the sheer fact that we don’t talk/see most of them and I am not able to make that connection).

3. I went to our main county library yesterday and spent 4 glorious hours selecting books for the library that I work at to have for our rotation. It was akin to heaven and the library was bigger then my high-school, filled with people, all types of literature, and the faint smell of newly printed books. Delightful!

4. Last night, I was out with a  friend from high school who is always up for a Friday night adventure. I was teaching her some ASL while walking out of the movie theaters at the mall when a guy noticed my signing and said that he was Hearing Impaired. I was so excited to ‘talk’ with him and spent about 15 minutes pidgin signing (a mix of ASL, ESL, and, in this case, lipreading and speaking). He was HI from being in the war overseas (I assume in Iraq because he looked just a little bit older than I am) and learned ASL from reading books. The feeling of finding someone who speaks your language in one’s daily life is something we take for granted. I’m Hearing as are all of my friends, but for him, he’s Deaf and none of his friends sign. I thought of being in Germany, where, after almost a week of hearing only foreign languages, finally found some people who spoke English and gravitated towards them as if magnetized to the cantor of their voices (which turned out to be a great connection and I am now very good friends with one of the people I met there). So I would like to believe that as excited as I was to practice my ASL and talk to someone new, that the greater good came on his end from finding someone to talk to in his own language in the midst of all the chaos that is our lives.

“But the trouble is not as you think now, that we have put up obstacles too high for you to jump . . . . It is that we have put up no obstacles at all. The great strength is in you . . .”-Isak Dinesen (Author of Out of Africa; pseudonym of Baroness Karen Blixen)

Excitingly complete and connected,

mimi

Finished!!!!

I have officially applied to twelve colleges. It is as if the weight of the world has been released from my shoulders. A weight I’ve been carrying for months. Now, all I have to do is wait to hear back from them, which should occur by early December because the turnaround is quicker (aka pick a school and go there in less then a month) . From weight to wait. I’m so excited!

College is hard and no fun

Every one says college is so much fun, that you’ll be so involved, meet tons of new people (and for the girls out there, every time some ‘nice’ person says to you, “All the boys will be all over you in college!”, just nod your head and grit your teeth…it works for me and my best friend because teenage boys, for the most part, are wrapped up in other things and those things aren’t usually what smart, dedicated, driven young women in are looking for in a potential boyfriend. I’m just saying…. ), and it’ll be the best time in your life.

Here’s a hint: they are wrong.

Drastically so and many of the same sentiments can probably be applied to other situations as well (high-school, study abroad, graduate school, finally getting your own apartment…the list goes on and on.) College, for one thing, is no fun. At least for me. Right now. At this moment. Perhaps it is because I am taking five classes, holding down three jobs six days a week, and, oh, I don’t know, because I clearly didn’t have enough to do in the first place, am applying to thirteen colleges.

That’s right. Count ‘em. Spread out over four states, varying types of institutions, sizes, all girl’s schools and big universities….I’ve covered it all. Except a school located outside the country. Didn’t manage to get that one in there, but I will guess that will come with picking a future study abroad program.

So between writing a ten page British Literature midterm and an Anthropology test review sheet, I have managed to write about 7 or so essays for college. And I’m not done. Almost there, but not quite. Then there is the whole post office thing and other forms and transcripts and teacher recommendations…the list never ends. At every turn, there is something even more new and confusing then the form before (Question: Why do you want to go to our school? Answer: Because I thought to myself, hey, I’ve got  two years and $80,000 to waste, might as well go here.  Really? Really?)

In the end, it needs to get done and that is what I am going to do right now. Just as soon as I finish checking my email, reading some light fiction, perhaps looking over my history homework….then, then, I’ll get right on top of those essays (before they creep up on me in the middle of the night…).

“I never let schooling interfere with my education.”-Mark Twain

Slightly petulant,

mimi

Wanted: More Time

I can’t be where I am right now. In a rut. In a mindset that I shouldn’t be in. Too much to do and not enough time.

So where do I buy time? Do I take it out of my sleep bank and become comatose during class, not able to focus and get work done? What about the small shred of social life that I try to hold on to? As futile as it may sound, I have developed a reward system: do the work, do the college application stuff, do this and do that, and then, if it all gets done (or at least a semblance of it), go out. I don’t go far and I don’t go often. I am very, very basic and boring. I don’t require much at all or all the time. However, this small social interaction can’t occur if said outings are canceled and then the whole system is throw out of balance. There is always a next time, though, so I hold onto that.

And this is where I am. Which, I know, isn’t the worst place to be, but, according to outside sources, it isn’t the best place to be either.

So where can I buy some time? Right now. Any price. I’ll pay it. Please.

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ablility to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ablitity to function.”-F. Scott Fitzgerald

In need of time,

mimi

Success: Part I

I am almost finished applying to college-well, one at least, and I discovered that if I actually sit down, pound furiously at the keyboard like my life depended on it (which it does…kinda…at least I’d like to think so), and JUST GET IT DONE AND OVER WITH, then I can accomplish a lot.

And my stress level goes down one notch knowing that okay, this is done and over with. Take a deep breath, move on, and get going on the next one.

I must get it into my head now that these applications are due. Soon. Like tomorrow (one is literally due tomorrow, but you get the idea). And, with fierce, unbridled determination, I will be skillfully applying to college and hopefully, if all goes well, getting into college. Which makes me very excited (nervous too, but very excited nonetheless).

So if any of you are thinking of transferring or are applying to college for the first, second, third, or more times, I feel your pain, your struggle, and the endless abyss of Name, Phone Number, and Address boxes that you have to fill in. And to all of you who are in college, please take some time to think about how lucky you are to be there. No matter what college you are in. It’s something that often slips from my mind that, though I don’t really like the college that I am going to, I am still there and learning and taking in all that there is to offer.

Nevertheless, please wish me luck and pray that I stay grounded in what I need to do not only in that, but in my life as well!

“The way to learn to do things is to do things. The way to learn a trade is to work at it. Success teaches how to succeed. Begin with the determination to succeed, and the work is half done already.”-Albert Einstein

One step ahead,

mimi

Banned Books Week

I work at the library and discovered that today starts Banned Books Week (BBW-Sept. 27-Oct. 4, 2008)! Now, why get excited about banned or challenged books?

Because I can.

Because it’s my right.

My right to read them, talk about them, and encourage others to read them.

I looked at some of the preliminary lists from the ALA site (American Library Association) and I figure that I have read about 40-50 books from them, which makes me really excited. Why? I am fortunate to live in family who have encouraged me to read anything and everything. My appetite for books is insatiable anyway, so my parents gave me free range of that department in my life at an early age.

I have read hundreds of books of various genres, authors, lengths, languages, and each have come to affect my life in some way.

So I impart you to please, go to your library or Barnes and Noble, Borders, wherever you wish and check out some of the ‘forbidden’ books. You might find something that can change your life.

Situations

Two weeks of college down. Thirteen weeks to go. And with that, a dozen papers, projects, quizzes, tests, and oh, yeah, some college applications. Fun. Fun. Fun.

I am severely enjoying my American Sign Language class. For a few years now, I have been teaching myself via instructional book and other people. It has been mostly for selfish motives because my best friend and I use ASL to communicate in the presence of our guy friends, who, despite their attempts, can’t ever figure out what we are saying (except for one phrase that does not bare repeating here). The class is great and the people are equally interesting. Many work with children with disabilities and want to be able to communicate with them. Two women have kindergartners with hearing and speech problems, who, at age 5, can sign more fluently then their parents and their moms just want to be able to keep up. Some just want to learn it for fun. The best part: you can practice at anytime.

Now, this is going to sound like an odd sort of request, but I have been waiting for the day when I saw a child in one of my classes. By going to community college, you get a mixture of people. From students straight out of high-school, retirees, working moms, people from all walks of life come to this school. I thought I had seen it all by going to an eclectic high school. I was wrong.

I’ve taken classes with teenage moms-or just moms just barely out of their teenage years. Dedicated young women who obviously want to do something with their lives hence why they are in college. So it came as no surprise that for my Tuesday night history class, there was a baby carriage-sans baby at that point-and shortly thereafter, a woman with her four month old son in the back of the room. He was a relatively quiet baby, only making a few chirps now and then, and anything more then that, she took him out of the room. Now I can say that I’ve been to college with an infant.

I think that despite my general discontent with my educational situation, I am grateful for the diversity and the people it has allowed me to come in contact with. I’ve taken classes with people from all parts of the world, people who lived during World War II, teens who speak multiple languages, and, every once and a while, I meet someone like me: driven, determined, and eager to learn.

In that spirit, I have learned to become a well-rounded individual and hopefully have shared some of myself with them so that they too can experience another point of view in this world.

“Act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.”-Leonard Cohen

The perpetual student,

mimi